Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
