Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Randomize
