he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
