She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
