Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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