1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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