She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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