My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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