she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
