there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
