I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
