is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
