All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
