There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
