we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
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