I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Randomize
