And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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