He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
