he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
