You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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