there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
