i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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