im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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