I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
