And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
