Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
