Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
