I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Randomize
