I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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