We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
