Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
