im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
