How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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