She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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