there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
