i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
