I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
