Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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