The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
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