There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
