I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
