just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
