If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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