She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
