I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
