i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
