I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
