Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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