You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
