how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Houston, we have a squirter
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Randomize
