just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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